Love is something we all strive to express in our daily lives, hoping that those around us can feel its warmth. However, there is a common misconception that love is something we must receive from others rather than something we cultivate within ourselves. Many people grow up believing that love is defined by grand gestures, expensive gifts, and romanticized stories like those portrayed in movies such as Titanic, where love appears as an all-consuming passion between Jack and Rose. We also immerse ourselves in love songs, hoping they reflect our reality.
On Valentine’s Day, many relationships will face disappointment because of unmet expectations. People anticipate gifts and grand declarations as proof of love. While there is nothing inherently wrong with exchanging gifts, it is important to question whether material expressions truly define love. From my personal journey, I have been nurturing my heart for over six years, and I am still learning. One truth I have come to understand is that genuine love cannot be measured by material possessions or fleeting emotions. We can never truly know what is in another person’s heart, and many who profess love today may abandon it tomorrow. For some, love is closely tied to physical intimacy, further complicating its meaning.
However, there is a different approach—one rooted in ancient wisdom and spiritual traditions such as Buddhism, Hinduism, and Bhakti Yoga: Loving-Kindness (Metta). This form of love is unconditional and requires mindfulness. It teaches us that there is no reason not to love others, regardless of circumstances. Love, in its purest form, is simpler than hate. Hatred carries a weight that burdens both the mind and the body, negatively impacting our well-being. Scientific studies have even shown that harboring resentment and anger increases stress and weakens the immune system, while practicing loving-kindness enhances mental clarity and physical health.
A powerful way to cultivate loving-kindness is to see the child in everyone. Imagine every person as they once were—a newborn baby, pure and free from societal conditioning. When we encounter a stranger, instead of seeing them through the lens of their actions or beliefs shaped by their upbringing, we can recognize their inherent innocence. Just as we instinctively love a newborn without judgment, we can extend that same compassion to others. No one is born with hatred; it is learned through experiences, influences, and circumstances beyond their control.
If we all embraced this mindset, love would flow naturally, and healing would follow. We would no longer fear rejection or question who loves us because our love would not depend on external validation. Love would be an offering rather than a transaction. In Bhakti Yoga, devotion is not about receiving but about giving selflessly. Similarly, Buddhism teaches that true happiness comes from compassion and the interconnectedness of all beings.
So today, on Valentine’s Day, let’s shift our focus from expecting love to embodying it. Instead of seeking validation through gifts and external expressions, let’s practice loving-kindness—toward ourselves, our friends, our families, and even strangers. In doing so, we cultivate a love that is unwavering, boundless, and healing.
True love is not something to be found; it is something to be given.
